I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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