I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
