The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
