he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am available for nakedness
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
