i don't like sucking hair
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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