chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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