Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
