people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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