when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
