you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
