highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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