Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
