If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
