hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
