I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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