dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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