so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
