I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
