There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
