"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
