I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
