His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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