I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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