I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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