Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
how does that bad decision feel?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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