I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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