it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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