i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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