My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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