i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Success! We fucked roommates!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
