Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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