So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
