Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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