Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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