Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
