Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
