yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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