if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
