how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
