does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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