Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
