The best revenge is premature balding
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
