We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
