I think I am morally bankrupt
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
