what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
