He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
