Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
