Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
