So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
