Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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