My first STD was from a foam party
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
