Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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